Saturday, March 8, 2008

"My Clock Struck Midnight!"

As I was driving to work the other morning, I was listening to a local Christian radio station as I normally do and a song came on that is very popular right now on the charts. The title is called "Cinderella" and I'd heard the song many times before. But on this day, it impacted me in a new way.

I listened to the artist as he sang the words that told the story of a man who had a daughter and how she loved to dance. It starts with the daughter as a little girl, and as most little girls do, she considered herself a little princess and she had been invited to a ball at the prince's castle and she needed to practice her dancing. She tugged at her dad's leg, begging to dance with her so she would be ready for the big gala.

As the song, progresses, the girl grows older and there are continuous opportunities for her to practice dancing. Her high school prom, and then ultimately, her wedding. Each time, she goes to her dad and asks him to practice with her. He relishes the opportunity and he compares it to the story of Cinderella. Remember in that story, the prince is dancing with Cinderella, but as the clock strikes midnight, Cinderella runs away because she knows that the magic spell that had made her beautiful and dressed in a beautiful gown for the Ball would disappear. The father wanted to take advantage of every moment that he would have with his daughter, because he knew that one day, like Cinderella, his daughter would leave home.

The words to the strong brought strong emotions to my heart that morning. I have three granddaughters. Three beautiful little girls that I haven't seen for almost four years. Three beautiful little girls that I may never see again. Before I made the bad choices that led to my arrest, my oldest granddaughter was entering that age where she wanted to dance. Paula and I would go to her house and she would put on a princess dress that my wife had bought her and she would dance for us. I would love to watch her. She loved to dance alone...she never asked me to dance with her. But to just watch the joy on her face and she spun and twirled brought joy to my soul...to my heart.

Listening to the words to the song brought back the harsh reality that she was gone. All of my grand children were gone from my life...at least for now. Perhaps forever. I can't be like the prince in the story and take the glass slipper and go searching for the princess(es). I know where each one lives. But they are no longer part of my life. My choices closed the door to that relationship. As I listened to words to the song on that morning drive to work, I realized that my clock has already struck midnight, and my grandchildren are gone.

1 comment:

Deb said...

I am so deeply sorry for your pain and for your loss. I'm proud of you for being brave enough to acknowledge and feel both. I'm here if you need me. I love you.